Is Lack of Parenting Contributory to Mass Murderers

by Cindy on December 17, 2012

Not more than a couple hours pass that I don’t think about the tragedy at Sandy Hook School. Its incomprehensible how things like this can happen, how a person can do something this horrific. I keep hearing things like Aspersers, autism, mental illness and other psychological diseases being thrown around.

While no one can be certain what is exactly in the mind of these killers, we do know that they their plans are carefully designed. They know exactly what they are going to do, how they are going to do, and how they are going to end it. They all seem to be extremely intelligent people, quiet people, and mainly men in their 20’s. They usually leave clues behind on their computers, notes, or statements made to their friends. So, what exactly drives their minds to create such a disaster?

I’ve been on this earth now for almost 6 decades. I’ve seen a lot of changes in my time. From microwaves, to DVD, CD’s, and cell phones. The use of social media other than by newspaper, snail mail or the local gossip. And, one of the most significant changes I’ve seen over the years is these horrific acts of violence.

As a child I could ride my bike around the neighborhood, come home after school without pause, and my parents I don’t think ever locked not only their house, but their cars either. We played outside under the street lights till way after dark, and at Halloween we went around the entire neighborhood, parentless and came home, divided our candy and popped it in our mouths without hesitation. When raising my own children, we became more cautious of the world around us because crime was on the rise.  Today, none of this would happen without thought.

Now, I’m not saying that there wasn’t violence back then. There were stalkers, rapists, murderers and thieves. There were even mass murders. Generally these were serial killers and killed over a period of time. These men walked alongside others and no one had a clue.

Like the serial killers who were friendly and likeable, the mass murderers of late too all seem to have something in common. No, they aren’t crazy (not in the medical sense). They are intelligent and full of entitlement and they use assault weapons. While I’m totally against the selling of assault weapons to a civilian in this country that is not what this rant is about. It’s about how society caters to children, makes excuses for them, hides behind medical diseases and tolerates insolence in children. It’s about how our laws not only protect children from parental abuse, but it also allows for disrespect and impudence from the children today.  It seems that every other parent I know is treating their kids (mainly boys) for ADD.

Well guess what, kids are kids. Being a kid hasn’t changed, how we raise them has. I witness such poor behavior from kids from the age of 2 on up. Parents make excuses for their children’s lack of good behavior. Parents pumping their kids with medicine to make them behave. Parents that ignore the fact their children need help emotionally because of the stigma it may cause to the family, or because they don’t want their teenager to go through life with a police record, so they won’t report the illegal activities they are involved in.

I see a total lack of upbringing and though there are serious mental illnesses out there, there are so many other contributing factors to these men behind these mass murders. Violence on television and video games are in the faces of young kids who should never be exposed to this crap, and yet even with ratings on them, parents completely disregard them.

How about teaching your child that they don’t get their own way, and that throwing a fit isn’t acceptable. How about teaching your kid that retaliation isn’t the way you get back at people because they aren’t catering to your whims. And that everyone else isn’t responsible for your defeat, that you are responsible for it yourself, and perhaps working harder or differently is the answer. You aren’t allowed to intimidate, bully or be violent, it’s totally unacceptable.  You aren’t the sole center of the universe and your achievements come with hard work and perseverance. Don’t accept their poor behavior and just pass it off.

Parental responsibility has waned over the years. If parents took as much interest in working with their children, listening to them, working with them, helping them overcome their disappointments in an orderly fashion, teaching them right from wrong and instilling proper etiquette and decorum, just maybe we would see less violence out of these young adults. Teach them what society expects of them to be productive, likeable people instead of monsters who can do as they please, hurting innocent people and children just because they have that “get even” or “leave my mark on the world” attitude.

Parents, please ask if you need help. Insist on in fact. Don’t just assume your belligerent, violent child will grow out of it, get over it, pump them with medicines and hope for the best. Don’t be part of the problem, be part of the solution.

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Vicki September 13, 2014 at 1:07 am

I am in my 70’s…all of what you say is true…my childhood was filled with outside adventures either by myself or with friends from the neighborhood. We did not live in fear. We were loved, nurtured, disciplined, taught…we were read to and we read aloud to our parents when we became able. Our curiosity about the world was encouraged. My mother was at home…I am most grateful for this latter fact. She had me when she was 21 but as I think back to her skills as a Mother, she was like someone 40 years old today…she had love and wisdom. I still miss her! She was fun and happy and so was I.

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